Government Definitions

I thought it would be fun to try to write down as many government definitions as I could. Clearly our representatives understand words in a completely different way than the rest of us.

1.      A Puddle: Government regulated waterway which requires permits to change even on your own property

2.      Unemployment: Only those looking for a job, able to work, and not able to find a job (This means if no one was working and no one was looking for a job we’d have 0% unemployment)

3.      Hate Speech: anything that offends anyone for any reason no matter how absurd

4.      Freedom of Speech: as long as it’s political correct and non-offensive

5.      Right to bear arms: as long as they are not guns the government doesn’t like, you get a permit (meaning you need permission from the government to have one and you need to pay them for that permission) this makes it a privilege not a right.

6.      Gun Control: Law abiding citizens must be restricted from owning guns because there are too many on the streets.

7.      Freedom of religion: you can express your religious views freely unless on government property, work for the government, receive money from the government and are not offending anyone with your beliefs.

8.      The 10^th Amendment: States shall have whatever powers the Federal Government deems they may have. All power resides with the Federal Government. Any state power can be taken by the Supreme Court.

9.      The 8^th Amendment: Excessive Fines: no problem with 371 fine for driving in the wrong lane during rush hour. $50 fine for not putting 75 cents in the meter the fine is more than 500 times the offense.

10.  Private Property: Do what you want with your property as long as you get permission from the government first and pay them for that permission. They used to call that a bribe.

11.  Government Waste: To politicians there is no such thing

12.  Public Property: property the public has no right to access and has no rights on. Property owned by the government not the people.

13.  Constitution of the United States: Something that hinders the government from doing whatever they want but doesn’t prevent it as long as they can find a new way to define the words found there.

14.  Consent of the People: I won the election so I can do what I want.